Realize

I don’t think you realize. I don’t think you realize how much you mean. You look at your life and see only brokenness, betrayal. You’ve had it rough. Things in your life don’t stay together for very long. People end up disappointing you. You disappoint them too. I wish you could see. I wish you could see all you could be. Life doesn’t have to be a big failure. It doesn’t have to hurt like that. There is someone who can take it all away. He can take your pain away. You can try to fix your relationships, try to fix your income, but it will never be enough. You’ll fall short every time every time you try to do things on your own. Can I ask you to give it to the One who can take it and make something beautiful. If He could make beauty from ashes, galaxies from nothingness, He can surely take your life, broken as it is, and make it something great. He loves you more than words could ever describe. Trust in Him. You’ve gotta leave behind everything that is sinful. He will help you with the rest. What He offers is so much greater than anything the world could ever give. You’ve tried everything the world has to offer and look where it’s gotten you. Try God and I can promise you, you won’t look back and want to go back to your old ways. Trust in Him. Realize something new. 

Waiting

Waiting has never been my strong point. Trusting never my forte. I like to do things for myself when I want them done right. I can get things done. I’ve always loved helping people, doing things for them because I could. Task orientated describes my life. But what happens when I’m waiting, waiting on others to do things for me? It’s a scary thought. I can feel my heart picking up, pumping a little harder. People fail. They forget. They don’t care. I guess it’s something I’m just going to have to do though. But I’m not completely powerless. I sit outside and listen to the birds in the sky. The Bible says that God takes care of them, how much more will He take care of me? So I’ll wait. And I’ll trust. Things will fall into place and I’ll be on my way.

Trust: something I need more of. 

Failure

Perfection. I write these lines over and over again, deleting them faster each time. I just can’t get it out right. What am I getting myself into? I feel a disconnect and I’m afraid to go forward. I get the words wrong every time. They are right there in my mind but they come out all wrong. I get frustrated when I’m alone, promising myself to do better. Next time. But what if there isn’t going to be a next time? The clock is ticking and the situation is getting darker. My frustration builds and I’m left with knots in my stomach. I did it again I guess. Failure.